i've been getting a lot of encouragement lately. i totally appreciate it. according to a forwarded text message from Mitch :
Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets... So love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason... Know a good thing when you see it, and don't let it slip away... If you get a chance, take it.. If it changes your life, let it... Nobody said it would be easy, they just said it would be worth it.
in short, i'm feeling better.
i had finally watched Trainspotting in full. I didn't sleep in between, I didn't miss a scene, I swear! (= i think it's great. life really is what you choose it to be.
anyWay, let me post a video i took when i was in Bacolod. this was at Eden's room, with her dog - Scarlett, the star! and Tintin - The Legs! haha enjoy...
the smith's music fills my tiny studio-type apartment as i type this blog entry. i feel a little better than i did yesterday. God has his ways.
what was supposed to be a foodie-search last night turned out to be a beer-drinking spree! Redhorse mucho without ice! it tasted bad but what the hell, right? Gresh texted and said she's depressed and wants to drink. and so was I. so off we went to Mike's place. We jammed with the gay men. Sometimes i do appreciate gay men. When i got home, i had a chat with the friend whom I invited yesterday and he said he will not do It again. i felt a little disappointment but when I woke up I realized that this must be God's work. I don't know what lesson he is teaching me but I know in time I will realize that. I dreamed that my mom's room was about to catch fire. over-heated A/C. i had to wake myself up forcefully from that dream. It scares me to death.
right now all i plan to do is actively blog. i want to write. write and write and write. and write. i feel normal when i write. i get to straighten my head up. and i plan to not look back. i will never get hurt unless i let them.
tears dried in my eyes before i was finally able to sleep yesterday. i have sulk to depression again. i was praying i'd just die. self-pity. "Emo" stuff. i couldn't shake it off for some reason. it was the first time i had touched reality after a very long time. i thought i could handle having the past close behind all at once. it turned out they all have moved on. and i haven't. or maybe i should say, they all are happy now some way or another and i'm not. they have found love, finally and i have not. i was never even close. so i invited an old friend over to my apartment today, because i felt like going crazy today. i realized i really need that human touch. i didn't exactly enjoy it, in fact i didn't open the door until after 15 minutes of him standing outside knocking the door calling my name. i am crazy, all right. it's depressing to know they don't take you seriously.
i actually want to just ride along with what happens. some things in my life aren't what i hoped for but along the way i have learned to accept it. or at least pretend i had accepted it. like how the Protagonist gets beaten in the middle of the movie, and in the end things unfold to be to the Protagonist's advantage. but then of course i understand Real Life isn't like the films i watch most of the time however i accept things in the hope that something brilliant will unfold along the way. i have known myself to be very impulsive and impatient, so while i wait i keep myself busy with dreams. i don't want to expect. i have expected and failed horribly. at this point my dreams had cleared off a bit and i couldn't breathe. i am now faced with "nothingness". if i don't keep dreaming i will die.
i think i still have a hang-over. my head is still buzzing in pain. thank god for coffee.
anyway,
we had our team building last night. team building, meaning it's a company-paid event without the company. ha ha! basically, me and my team-mates went out for fun in Red Box, in Makati. Videoke galore. it was fun but the most fun part was when a few of us went out right after for a beer-drinking spree. I guess I blame it on Red horse that's only 48 fucking pesos.
we talked about people at work, of course, who else would we talk about. hehe. we talked about our lives and stuff. we were such a trash. Me and Gresg and Mike I think was so fuckin' drunk we told everyone the things we only talk about by ourselves. Ha Ha!
some weird things happened and i've already told Jai about it, which was some sort of relief so i dind't have to blog about it. anyone can make their way on this blog, it's not safe. =p
